You break it, you ghost, the disrespect behind borrowing without accountability.

Today I want to talk about something small, a cracked screwdriver handle but trust me, it opens up a much bigger conversation about respect, boundaries, and how we respond when people break not just our stuff, but the unspoken agreements between us. So, here’s a story I want you to hear.

“He borrowed my speaker for a kickback… gave it back like it had survived war. And I still got hit with a ‘Damn, it’s not that serious.’ ” Elias was the guy everyone loved to borrow things from. He kept his garage in perfect order not just for himself, but because he believed that when you care for your things, you’re also caring for the people you share them with. His tools weren’t fancy, but they were well-kept, reliable, and important to him. Each had a story, a purpose, a place.

One day, his neighbor, let’s call him Colin popped by to borrow a screwdriver. Not just any screwdriver, but Elias’s favorite torque screwdriver. Elias handed it over like he always did, with trust, and a friendly, “Just bring it back the way you got it.” That was the unspoken contract.

But when the tool finally came back days later it was cracked. The handle was splintered down the middle, rubber peeling back like it had been twisted with force. And Colin? He brushed it off like it was no big deal. “It still works,” he said. But to Elias, it was a big deal. It wasn’t just about a broken tool. The thing is, it was about how easily people dismiss the damage they cause physical or emotional when it doesn’t inconvenience them. To him, it was about trust, and how easily it can be snapped in half with just a shrug and a “my bad.”

That story stuck with me because it’s not just about tools. It’s about relationships. We’ve all had that moment when someone borrows your time, your energy, your emotional labor… and gives it back broken. And when you bring it up? They act like you’re overreacting. “It’s just a thing.” “You’ll be fine.” “Don’t be so sensitive.” But it’s never just about the object. It’s about the principle.

So, here’s the question: When someone breaks your boundaries and dismisses it, what do you do? Do you speak up? Do you set firmer limits? Or do you, like Elias, quietly close the cabinet and stop lending things out altogether?

They are not just mishandling your belongings.
It is showing that your time, effort, and care don’t hold value in their world.
You maintained that item, respected it, kept it in working order. You lent it with trust. When they give it back broken without even an apology, they’re saying:

• “I don’t think what’s yours deserves preservation.”
• “I trust you’ll just absorb the loss.”
• “Your boundaries are flexible, bendable under my needs.”

And if it’s not a physical item?
Then it’s your emotional bandwidth they’re burning. Your kindness. Your time.

Although, some people are raised or conditioned to prioritize harmony over honesty. Especially women, queer folks, and people socialized to be “nice,” “agreeable,” “easy to get along with.”

What happens when someone crosses a line, breaks something, or disrespects you?

You feel it. You know it’s not okay.
But then the anxiety kicks in.

• “I don’t want to start drama.”
• “What if I lose the relationship?”
• “It’s not worth the fight.”
• “Maybe I’m being too sensitive.”

Let’s be clear: you’re not being too sensitive. You’re just fighting against your own programming.

Keep receipts, say I need you to replace this, you returned it back damaged. Stand in your tone, not combative and know when to stop loaning and giving access. 

If someone disrespects what you give, they’re not just breaking an object, they’re breaking the trust that came with it. Whenever you borrow anything, always return it back the way you received it. A good read on borrowing. Click here!

🎧 Listen & Reflect

If you haven’t heard the episode yet, click here to listen. It’s worth listening to.

On the other hand, if you have listened; drop a comment! What did you disagree with? What do you want me to explore next? You could always chat with my AI Host, Botta!